Opening the proverbial can of worms

That's right. That's what I do.

When life seems a little too simple, like when I'm only trying to lose a ton of weight and have incorporated a trainer into my lifestyle, and when my family is all healthy and for the most part happy, and when my job is chugging along nicely....yes when all of this happens....I do not stop and stand and praise myself for all of the wonderful things in my life.

No, instead I go to vegas and open a can of worms. A messy can of worms.

Why do I do this to myself?

Um, hello, because I'm crazy and I'm a girl. Yes those are two very accurate responses.

How many times can you play ding-dong-ditch at my door before I refuse to answer? As if one of these times you'll actually be there. It's the hope of something different that keeps me interested. The desire to have something more. For it to be different this time, for it to actually work. Nevermind that pain I feel, the nagging thoughts within my mind...no only i know what's best for me and i'll be right this time. Who is to say it's any different now than it ever was back then, but still I'll hope and bank on the fact that you have changed. Or perhaps this time I could just put back on the lid.

Today is the day

I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so.....

Yeah, going to V-E-G-A-S. I'm itching at the bit (is that the right term) to go. And so the countdown begins.

Fabulous things I want to do in Vegas:
Eat at Bobby Flay's restaurant
Stare at the Belliago Hotel
Gamble (and WIN money)
my workout (I need to do 20 minutes)
eat at a diner after 4am
survive in heels for one night, the next night I guess I'm switching to flats -- I have brought 4 pairs of shoes.
take pictures of my friends and I having a fab time (I always forget to actually take the photos)

Stay tuned....

Oh now look what you did

Somebody posted a comment asking if my blog was dead and now I've been guilted into writing.

No it's not dead, I just have felt like I haven't had as much to say lately.

But there are a few kernels I can add here for you.

I'm going to Vegas this weekend -- for 48 hours. As a present to myself. And I'm going with two fabulous chickies and we are going to LIVE IT UP! I can't wait. So maybe I'll post pictures. Probably no pictures actually because that's evidence, but maybe some stories....

Secondly, I think that old flames should stay away. Mind your business crazy. I realize that you need validation or whatever. But now you made me question myself and my decisions and my feelings -- and that's what you used to do. You have no power here -- poof -- be gone with you. And your little dog too.

Thirdly, I've started working out with a personal trainer. So far I have managed to NOT QUIT.
That's all I've managed really. I haven't quit. I haven't lost any weight. I think I'm stronger. That's about all. My motivation is lacking really, but I'll get there. It's all about the bridesmaid dresses, baby.

Okay, that's what I've got. And now that you've read this you are thinking....this is what we waited two months for -- and I tell you yes. It could be worse.....these could be YOUR thoughts.

Perhaps next time....

Someone sent me a very cute website where you can draft a decline letter for boring holiday parties. I should have sent this in regards to Thanksgiving:

Dear ___,
I exultantly inform you that I will be unable to attend your snooze fest that tries, but never quite manages, to become a celebration. I will be having drinks with Brad and Angelina, and thus able to avoid you and your wretched, but inevitable rendition of "Have a holly, jolly Christmas". Once the holidays are passed, I hope to wave at you in passing. Please give my animosity to your party guests, and tell them I've been in their shoes -- and it's hideous. My best wishes for a dingy and caloric holiday.
Ta-ta,
Kate

Try it: http://holiday.enlighten.com/ It's fab!

Thanksgiving: 'TIs the Season of Dysfuntion

Back in the day (and by that I mean a few years ago) my family situation was messed up. It wasn't always messed up, it was once good. But then came the DDay and you know...

It's not really such a big deal since over 50% of American families go through the same thing as I did. But I truely believe when it happens to your family, it's different. You think you're the only one. The only one to have ever split holidays among family, the only person who's family doesn't speak to each other because one person said something inappropriate but you're not allowed to know what that comment is (just know that they hate each other), the only person to have to spend 4 painstaking days in the middle of butthole USA and chalk it up to spending time with the family.

I should really put a disclaimer in here somewhere and say that life is really not so crappy for me. It's not. It just isn't. But the point of this blog is (or rather the point was) a place to rant and rave as I choose. My space, my thoughts (as irrational and quick off the tounge as they may be).

So back to the butthole....

Butthole, USA that is -- it smells there. It blows there. Pretty much I'm not sure why planes even fly there. But there must be people other than myself who have to go visit some form of dysfuntion and that's where "home" is. But let me get this straight -- Butthole is not my home. It is the residence of a person I am related to. And the residence of a bunch of people I am NOT related to but they like to talk to me like I care about them and am related to them. Because HONESTLY nobody but family should have to listen to the amount of nagging and complaining and talking about nothing that these people do. About christmas boxes in the garage. Seriously? I don't care how many boxes are in the garage. I'm not going to get them. And I'm not putting up the 10 tons of Christmas crap that you want to decorate all of butthole with. I'm not interested. This might make me a Scrooge, but really I don't see the point. You nag all damn day, you talk about how HE said HE wanted to put up all the decorations in butthole (Hello, have you met him??? He's a liar and anyone could have told you this.), you complain about how butthole isn't decorated. I can't take it. Stop talking.

I spent $350 and 3 perfectly normal days where I could have been anywhere but butthole. Here's what I got instead (in no particular order):

- a headache from the nagging
- tunnel vision from the amount of television I watched. I like TV and I like football...but seriously, I don't think ANYONE likes TV or football that much. Except you, sorry I was mistaken.
- I read 3 whole 350+ page books. I have completed all the reading material I brought. It was only a four day trip
-a thanksgiving dinner with the teenanger shelter of Butthole
-a better understanding of why the rest of the family has "given up trying"

And then I woke up

Two weeks ago it was the Marine Corps Marathon in the DC area. The roomie and I went down to cheer on the random people we didn't know. Which was actually quite motivating and exciting. Everyone was cheering, some dance team kept doing the same routine, roomie was going to join them but didn't have the right outfit (ie. ripped windpants and a red sports bra), clapping, tired people running their 22 mile.

And I had these ideas. Really grand ideas. Of when I'm 30 and I'm still no where near marriage. And then today I read about Lance http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/run_nyc_marathon_armstrong

If the man who won the Tour de France 6 or 7 times thinks it's hard....

Me thinks it may be a better idea to find a new goal.

Oh and I had a nightmare this weekend. Like one of those where you cry out in real life. I woke up on the verge of tears, but it was like I couldn't cry. Strange. I don't think I even have nightmares when I was younger. No, the nightmare wasn't about the STUPID IDEA (noted above)....I didn't get picked to partner up with anyone in some weird game. Goes to show you -- ultimate fear = being alone (and not by choice)

Two in a row

Yeah, that's right. Two days this weekend = two workouts.

And now I'm done. No more.

Sure working out gives you energy and makes you feel good. But I feel overall it makes me more tired. Yes, and irritated. At least when I'm not working out I have an excuse for not losing weight. Because how could you lose weight if you aren't working out. But how can you NOT lose weight when you are working out. See my issues.

The chair came this weekend and I am in love with it. Yes it takes up much of the living room, but it's wonderful. I may now have to find a new place for the guest air mattress but really -- that's a river we'll cross later.

I also ordered chinese this weekend and ate it all. And had a conversation with a long lost _____, actually I don't know quite what to call this person.....point being I came out of the "screen door" conversation still in control. Well maybe not in control, but in control of myself -- and that's better than any of the other time. So I win! Yeah!